Swear to Blog (ugh)

So here's the deal: I'm a huge snob when it comes to movies, but I'm too busy being lazy/packing/celebrating my first college acceptance/falling in love with Jon Hamm on 30 Rock to get worked up about Hollywood's current state. Not to worry, close to the Oscar ceremony I'll definitely post my rants and bitchery for all to see, especially when Frost/Nixon walks away with nothing *shakes fist at sky*, but as for now I'm just typing up a list I wrote around this time last year about what I feel is one of the most overrated movies of the decade:
[Quick disclaimer: I wrote this at 2 A.M. after the Oscar Ceremony when Juno won for Best Screenplay, so please forgive my excessive expletives, as I was dealing with injustices of the highest magnitude.]
Ten Reasons Juno Upsets Me:
1) It's the first Fox Searchlight movie I've seen that doesn't feel genuine, in that it TRIES SO HARD to be quirky and hip and *indie* rather than just being that way.
2) I never, EVER want to receive a hamburger phone bumper sticker on facebook again. EVER.
3) The screenplay contained some of the most frustrating dialogue I've ever heard. Yes, I realize that realism wasn't what Diablo Cody was going for, but rather than being cute and offbeat, it was just pretentious and, well, assy.
4) Juno didn't sound like a sixteen-year-old. At all. She sounded like a 30-year-old blogger pretending to be sixteen. Surprise, surprise, guess who the screenwriter was?
5) Diablo Cody was also an ex-stripper, and that's fine by me, a job's a job and that's more than I have at the moment. The fact that that was what basically constituted her whole Oscar campaign is, however, truly ridiculous.
6) Jason Reitman directed Thank You For Smoking and this is the movie he gets an Oscar nomination for? Really, Academy?!? Congratulations on showing the world how subtlety is not your forte. TYSF was exceedingly smart, witty, and subtle, and I personally just don't understand how anyone with an IQ equaling Forrest Gump's could see those things in Juno, other than in some of the performances.
7) This was basically one of the first really popular movie to cash in on the fact that the term indie now functions as a genre, and if the movie had made more of a point to acknowledge that, I would have enjoyed it much more. Had it been more of a parody, it could have been brilliant. But it wasn't, and instead I feel like the film's hitting me with a pseudo-hipter shovel.
8) I felt close to nothing for the characters, and the little I did care was due to the performances, which were absolutely the best part of the movie.
9) The screenplay sacrificed character development and depth for ostentatious, hollow dialogue. That's unforgivable, especially considering the aforementioned caliber of the cast.
10) My true reason for writing this: Juno keeps being referred to as this year's Little Miss Sunshine. Absolutely not. LMS's screenplay was beautiful, especially in that it primarily concerned itself with CHARCATERS not WORDS. In fact, once in a while in Little Miss Sunshine, there are these glorious little moments when none of the characters speak. Its called silence, Diablo, and a good screenwriter knows the importance of it. And also, watch Lars and the Real Girl and take notes of Nancy Oliver's screenplay, because it was everything your movie was trying so hard to be: dark, quirky, and, yes, indie. But it was also immensely impactful, and that was due to the fact that the characters were the center of the movie. Here's my point Cody: congratulations on the Oscar, but backlash is a bitch, and if you don't hurry up and learn that the heart of all good movies is character, you won't be getting another award anytime soon.